Report: Jeff Bezos Allegedly Mugs Amazon Warehouse Worker at Gunpoint
By
The Onion Staff
Worth a glance, not a chew.
Summary
Jeff Bezos, Amazon's founder, allegedly mugged a warehouse worker at gunpoint in Kenosha, WI, demanding money and threatening violence. The incident reportedly occurred after the worker's shift, with Bezos wearing a ski mask and brandishing a pistol.
Key quotes
· 2 pulled“Just take out your wallet real slow and drop it into my hands—no sudden movements!”
“Only $7? What the hell is this? I should blow your fucking brains out right now.”
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