Pope Leo XIV Declassifies Church's Jesus Crucifixion Documents
By
The Onion Staff
Slightly gummy. The crust never quite set.
Summary
Pope Leo XIV declassifies the Church's Jesus Crucifixion Documents to bring transparency and reveal the truth about the circumstances of Christ's death.
Key quotes
· 3 pulled"The truth will finally be revealed"
"Ever since Christ was executed in broad daylight in the middle of Golgotha, questions have swirled about the mysterious circumstances surrounding his death, but no longer"
"Hundreds of unredacted pages of biblical apocrypha could finally provide credence to the so-called 'second stabber' theory"
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