Pentagon Announces Completion of Tactical Zoot Suit Development for Military Use
By
The Onion Staff
Yesterday's bagel. Skim it, don't savour it.
Summary
The Pentagon has reportedly completed development of a tactical zoot suit for military use, described as a significant advancement in 'boogie-woogie warfare.' Defense officials claim the suits with high waists, oversized jackets, and ballistic steel shoulder pads will keep troops both safe and 'jazzy' on the battlefield, with substantial budget allocation for tailoring and fortification.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledCalling the snazzy battle garments the most substantial advancement in boogie-woogie warfare in 85 years
These combat zoot suits with high waists and oversized jackets are key to keeping our troops safe and jazzy on the battlefield
confirming his department had spent a large portion of its budget measuring, tailoring, and fortifying the new uniform's ballistic steel shoulder pads for use in war
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