Park Gazebo Marks 20 Years Without a Sober Occupant
By
The Onion Staff
Crackling crust, pillowy middle. The kind of bagel that earns a second cup of coffee.
Summary
A satirical article from The Onion reporting that a park gazebo has gone 20 years without ever having a sober person inside it. The piece humorously describes the gazebo as a local landmark where intoxicated individuals gather, with quotes from residents recalling drunken encounters and the gazebo's reputation as a place for late-night revelry, bad decisions, and questionable behavior.
Key quotes
· 3 pulled'It's a real point of pride for this community,' said local resident Harold Pasternak, 68, who noted that the gazebo has not had a single sober person inside it since the summer of 2006, when a church group briefly used it for a bake sale.
'I remember one time I woke up in that gazebo with a half-eaten kebab in my hand and no idea how I got there,' said frequent gazebo visitor Mike Delgado. 'It was beautiful.'
'That gazebo has seen things,' said park district supervisor Linda Morrison. 'Things that cannot be unseen. And definitely cannot be remembered.'
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