Manhattan Residents Alerted by Absence of Sunrise Clarinet Music
By
The Onion Staff
Needed another two minutes in the oven. A half-baked bagel.
Summary
Manhattan residents are on alert after a sunrise without the usual clarinet music, leaving them puzzled and concerned.
Key quotes
· 2 pulledEvery day, as long as I can remember, I would roll out of bed to a soulful clarinet solo scoring the sun’s ascent over the Hudson, but today there’s only silence.
1.6 million baffled Manhattanites who remained locked down at home as authorities investigated the music’s mysteriou
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