HHS Recommends Low-Income Seniors Wallow in Mud to Beat the Heat
By
The Onion Staff
A reheated bagel, served cold.
Summary
The Department of Health and Human Services advised low-income seniors to stay cool by wallowing in mud due to federal cuts in utility bill assistance programs.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledWith summer temperatures soaring, it’s more important than ever that older Americans are taking the time to lower their bodies into slop.
Mud is effective.
Seniors could protect themselves by wading into, rolling around in, and slathering themselves from head to toe in mud.
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