Satirical Piece Imagines Heaven's Gate Cult Members Celebrating 29 Years After Mass Suicide
By
The Onion Staff
Crispy enough to crunch, soft enough to enjoy. A good bake.
Summary
A satirical article from The Onion-style publication reporting on the fictional 29th anniversary of the Heaven's Gate cult mass suicide, with "members" claiming they've enjoyed euphoric existence on a higher plane since shedding their "human vehicles" in 1997.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledShedding my human vehicle and transcending to a higher evolutionary level was the best decision I ever made.
In their first video message in three decades, the cultists say they've encountered 'nothing but smooth sailing' up among the stars.
Still reaping the benefits of a mass suicide timed to coincide with the arrival of the Hale–Bopp comet, members of the Heaven's Gate cult told reporters Friday they were looking forward to this month's anniversary celebration of their 29th euphoric year on the highest plane of existence.
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