Collection of Satirical News Headlines from Parody Outlet
By
The Onion Staff
Kettled twice. Extra chewy, extra trustworthy.
Summary
A collection of absurd, satirical headlines from what appears to be The Onion or similar parody news outlet. Headlines include absurd premises such as a gas station using scientific notation on price signs, a drunk man looking for love in a bar, Purple applying for primary color status, a scratch-off ticket offering too many ways to win, a couple dying only 10 helicopter blade rotations apart, and other humorous, over-the-top fictional scenarios.
Key quotes
· 5 pulled'Erm,' Reports British Novel Protagonist
Couple Married For 50 Years Dies Only 10 Rotations Of Helicopter Blades Apart
Foolhardy Scratch-Off Ticket Offers Absurd 6 Ways To Win
All Good Baby Names Already Taken By Ninja Turtles
Man Who Spent Months On Scheme Heartbroken To
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