EPA Announces Satirical Plan to Make Tap Water 'Chunkier' by 2030

For too long, Americans have had to put up with thin, dull water, but we're going to cut through all of the unnecessary red tape and give people delicious water that you can chew

In an effort to provide a 'more hearty, spoonable drinking experience,' the Environmental Protection Agency announced Thursday a sweeping new initiative to make all U.S. tap water chunkier by 2030

EPA administrator Lee Zeldin, adding that the agency would soon begin introducing naturally occurring by-products into municipal water systems to produce nutrient-rich lumps, globs