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Dive Bar Regulars Upset That Their Favorite Watering Hole Is Now Profitable

The Onion Staff

1mo ago· 1 min readen

38/100

Stale

Bagelometer↗

A reheated bagel, served cold.

Score38TypesatireSentimentneutral

Summary

A satirical article about regulars of a dive bar in Columbia, MO, who are upset that the bar has become popular enough to be financially solvent. The regulars lament that the bar is no longer "cool and underground" now that it's profitable, with complaints about the bathrooms becoming cleaner and the place losing its gritty charm.

Key quotes

· 2 pulled

This place used to be cool and underground, man. Now they have so many people in here they're probably going to be in the black this quarter.

Now that i...

Snippet from the RSS feed

COLUMBIA, MO—Growing increasingly irate that the new customer base had actually made the place profitable, regulars of local dive bar The Drunken Rooster were reportedly upset Friday after the business had become popular enough to be financially solvent.

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