Deer Accidentally Breaks Sober October Streak by Eating Fermented Apple
By
The Onion Staff
7mo ago· 1 min readen
38/100
Stale
Bagelometer↗
Hard to chew. Probably not worth the jaw work.
Score38TypesatireSentimentneutral
Summary
A humorous fictional story about a white-tailed deer in Spencer, Tennessee who breaks his three-week alcohol abstinence streak during 'Sober October' by accidentally eating a fermented apple. The deer expresses frustration at realizing the apple was alcoholic after committing to 31 days of dry living, noting he had been feeling better with clearer thinking and glossier fur.
Key quotes
· 3 pulled"Oh goddammit, I knew it smelled too good to be nonalcoholic,"
"Someone should really clear these out. They're just lying around"
"since committing himself to 31 days of dry living, he had been waking up with a clearer head, and his pelage was glossier than it had been for years"
SPENCER, TN—Frustrated at breaking a three-week streak of alcohol abstinence, a white-tailed deer expressed annoyance Monday upon realizing he could not complete his goal of a Sober October because the apple he had just eaten was fermented. “Oh goddammit,
