Satirical Report: TikTok Speedrunner Claims to Have Encountered Xenu in Scientology Building
By
The Onion Staff
There's a fresh bagel in here somewhere. We couldn't find it.
Summary
A satirical article about a TikTok creator named Alex Morris who, while speedrunning a Church of Scientology building for content, allegedly barges in on the fictional alien ruler Xenu taking a bath. The piece is written in the style of a news report but is clearly humorous/satirical, playing on Scientology's cosmology and internet prank culture.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledJesus fucking Christ—what the hell is that thing?
Holy shit. Guys, this is way more than I bargained for. I just wanted to film a harmless prank, but now I can't move my legs.
Agh! What is that noise
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