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Satirical Headlines Collection from Humor Publication

By

The Onion Staff

19d ago· 5 min readen

Summary

A collection of absurd, satirical headlines and brief snippets from what appears to be a humor publication, including nonsensical items like a man eating nachos out of a plastic beret at Cannes, a drunk man looking for a lifelong partner in a bar, Purple applying for primary color status, and other deliberately ridiculous premises. The content is clearly parody/satire rather than real news.

Key quotes

· 5 pulled
Drunk Man Casts Eye Around Bar For Someone To Cherish, Hold, Spend Rest Of Life With
Couple Married For 50 Years Dies Only 10 Rotations Of Helicopter Blades Apart
All Good Baby Names Already Taken By Ninja Turtles
Foolhardy Scratch-Off Ticket Offers Absurd 6 Ways To Win
Man Who Spent Months On Scheme Heartbroken To
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